Into your arms - The Maine

There is nothing more beautiful then laying in the arms of someone who truly cares about you. I am not talking about them caring about your beauty and whether you’re crying or not. I’m talking about those moments that they randomly hug you or pull you close just because. I’m talking about those moments when they don’t want you to let go. You know, those moments when they breathe in your scent and kiss your neck gently while you drift into a deep sleep. I’m talking about those moments when you wake up in the arms of the one you love and realize you would rather stay there then go anywhere else.  If you have this, cherish it. Don’t let go of it. Don’t run from it. Simply smile, whisper a thank you, and fall back to sleep in his or her arms.

Pink Rose

My room is a mess...the clutter is giving me a migrane but the only thing in this rom that keeps me sane...even if for a bit longer...is this one painting.
It is laying gently against my window, interupting the photos behind it. The sunlight shining through is making it's way onto my bed and pilows all the while making the photo even more brilliant.
The caption is of a pink rose with an orange center, purple blossoms beneath it and a lilypad holding the life upon it. I wish the photo were real... the desire to touch it is quite strong, but i wont because i would destroy it's peace.
Hard to believe such a beautiful thing came from my two hands...I have yet to understand why I chose to paint such a thing...but until I figure it out, I shall only enjoy the view.

Nightcore - I Dont Wanna Die

Loving this version...and honestly its eeriness is driving my body insane. It send shivers down my back but maybe thats just my imagination going crazy or my own unsatisfied desires taking over.
PS: this is originally a Hollywood Undead song.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
No I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

Blood is getter hotter
Body's getting colder...

I've told you once,
I'm the only one who holds her.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to

I look inside of myself, and try to find someone else.
Someone who's willing to die, just to watch you crying for help.
I know that blood will be spilled, and if you wont - then I will. My grave will never be filled, It's either kill or be killed. So let heaven be told, that some may come, some may go, where I'll end up, I don't know. But I ain't dying alone, I keep on asking the question, ''can I be saved by confession?'', you see this blood on my hands and there's no reach into heaven

I got to pick up the pieces, I got to bury them deep... And when you look in my eyes, I'll be the last thing you see,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die -So you're gonna have to.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
No I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

Blood is getter hotter
Body's getting colder...

I've told you once,
I'm the only one who holds her.

Hurt turned into blood, and the blood keeps on pouring, From every pour I wipe it up, this is just to be demoted.

Now someone started dying, my only opponent? 'Cause I wont watch my baby cry, So I keep on just going. Am I a man or a beast, or mother nature at least, watch humanity cease, Cause it's our human disease. You got to kill when you gotta kill, Yeah that's what they say. And I can't go against God's will, You better pray.

'Cause I'm an angel, a demon.
Yeah I'm hell and I'm heaven. I'm everything you couldn't be, now you believe in the devil.

I got to pick up the pieces, I got to bury them deep... And when the dirt hits the coffin - Just go to sleep.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
No I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

Blood is getter hotter
Body's getting colder...

I've told you once,
I'm the only one who holds her,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die...

Now that I see You buried... Six feet below.

Another life, goes into the night. I couldn't let him breathe, 'Cause I didn't wanna die...

Now that I see You buried... Six feet below.

It's not alright... Can you hear me as I cry? I couldn't let you live, 'Cause I didn't wanna die...

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna die,
No I don't wanna die - So you're gonna have to.

I Don't wanna die.
You didn't have to die.

This Past Weekend

i did it again...i thought that with time i wouldnt have to or feel the need to do it. but i did... im feeling incredibly useless and powerless now...and you know whats the worst part? i liked it...i missed it... i wanted it more than anything. i mean..i tried so hard to avoid it... tried to distract my mind, tried focusing on others, i ran out of the house a couple times, i even took late night showers and baths and yet theres no way i can escape its calling...

it feels so good.. seeing it touch my skin...it smells amazing... its intoxicating... almost as intoxicating as my ex... heh.. its funny...he was my drug...i wanted him all the time... even when i hated some of the stuff he did or got upset with him or by him...i still wanted him...more than anything... now its lke this cold slim nd sharp thing has taken his place...in some twisted way...im happy it is. ive wanted to let him go for the longest time... and even though i still love him and crave him every second of the day...for the moment that my skin splits its like i dont feel that need...that want...that love.

ive experimented too.. no not drugs haha. but ive tried different parts of my body... its almost as delicious as my forearms but its like it brings more ecstacy to the moment. my sides are a bit scratched up....not as bad as my forearms but the second i felt it...the way it slid about my waistline...the icy shiver it brought to my chest....to be honest.. i moaned a little..

as i heard the echo of my moan...my memories started to flow back.. the happier ones to be exact... i was lying on my back... the love of my life was resting beside me and it was the middle of winter.. we had just finished playing and i was looking up at the stars; thanking each one for allowing me to feel that way.

just as quickly as that memory came it left... after a couple seconds i realized my tears were soaking my cheeks.. could i really be crying at a moment like this? have i gone insane? i just cut myself! i just pressed a knife into my skin! and im crying because i miss the one boy that made my world worth while? really?!

i sliced my skin in a couple more times, each time let my tears slow and brought me back to the present. my anger simmered down and i realized the water was mixed with a soft red. i stared at it for a bit... my mothers face appeared in front of me and i quickly held my nose and push my head back into the water. i stayed under for what seemed forever.

i felt calm... my hair felt soft against my cheeks and whiped around as i continuously pressed my head furthur and furthur into the bottom of the tub. i didnt want to breathe...i didnt want to take on the world... i liked being by myself...feeling like no one could touch me... like the water was infinite.. like the elements were watching over me... after awhile i needed oxygen... as annoying as it was i let my body rise up along with my head and it was over... it was all over for those few moments and i felt good...i felt like i could sleep again...i could finally sleep without the thought of him.

Linkin Park ~ Runaway

Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i'm gonna run away and never say goodbye
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and never wonder why
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and open up my mind
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind