The Victim.

Thoughts...what are thoughts but mere suggestions in your mind.

So what if you keep them bottled inside?

They will only turn into a rhyme.
so use it on the next one
see if she will care for
a little mess on the floor
or maybe having her eyes stare at the bed board.
Yea. You might not have meant to
but u sure made me feel like a fool
for trusting someone like you
and now my body feels overused.
but that's alright isn't it?
as long as I pleased your body and shit.
if I stop that from happening to another.
maybe it was worth biting my tongue a little bit longer.
too bad I wasn't a little bit more faded.
cause now I got illusions when i sleep that don't seem to be ending
now ill give it a rest
you have failed my test
took advantage of the maiden
now she's looking for her heaven
while she wishes u the best
and hopes this doesn't repeat for the next.
Remember my words
they may just be chords.
but listen to the message
maybe you can salvage

the last of humanity

with the touch of sincerity and prosperity.

Is it you?

I try to make room for everyone. Give everyone time to express themselves no matter how insane it may sound to my own ears. I try to be supportive and help people find peace in that one moment of quiet and i try to love that person with all i have left. I try all these things but who has tried for me?

Hurricane by 30 Second to Mars

Hurricane by 30 Seconds to Mars Lyrics:

 

No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave No matter how many breaths that you took you still couldn't breathe No matter how many nights that you'd lie wide awake to the sound of the pulsing rain Where did you go Where did you go Where did you go
As the days go by the night's on fire
Tell me would you kill to save a life Tell me would you kill to prove you're right Crash crash Burn let it all burn This hurricane's chasing us all underground
No matter how many deaths that I die I will never forget No matter how many lies I live I will never regret There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames Where is your God Where is your God Where is your God
Do you really want Do you really want me Do you really want me dead or alive To torture for my sins Do you really want Do you really want me Do you really want me dead or alive To live a lie [ From: Tell me would you kill to save a life Tell me would you kill to prove you're right Crash crash Burn let it all burn This hurricane's chasing us all underground
The promises we made were not enough The prayers that we had prayed were like a drug The secrets that we sold were never known The love we had the love we had We had to let it go
Tell me would you kill to save a life Tell me would you kill to prove you're right Crash crash Burn let it all burn This hurricane's chasing us all underground
This hurricane This hurricane This hurricane
Do you really want Do you really want me Do you really want me dead or alive To torture for my sins Do you really want Do you really want me Do you really want me dead or alive To live a lie

Enough said.

Hollywood undead - Levitate

I'm dying a little each time he walks away but what's worse is that as much as I try to stray away from the knife, I know it will always be there to haunt me even in my sleep. I can't help myself and no can help me. It's something I must do on my own... I just wish I werent on it like a drug...

Maybe if life wasnt dealt the way it was for me, then things would be different...maybe I would be different. In a different place. A positive space. When everything is gone...will I only lave drops of blood behind?




"Levitate"

[J-Dog:]
Can't stop I need some help.
Fuck you, I'm by myself
Is it a truth or lie?
It's what you can't deny.
'Cause it's the way you think
Mix with the pills and drink
Brought back to the way you are
Float up 'til you're close to God
You know that hiding ain't gonna keep you safe
Because the tears on your face
They leak and leave a trace
So just when you think that true love's begun
It goes off at any second just like a loaded gun

[Danny:]
You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me...
You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...
You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate...
I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! (you know...)

[J-3-T:]
Can't stop the feeling,
High as a ceiling
I got the money who's fuckin'dealin'
You feel the heat like a barrel of a gun
I forgot the last time I saw the sun
I've got this disease
It's digging deeper in me
It's like my mind is leaving,
But my heart keeps beating
So I'll paint the walls, red drip from the nose
But where it goes, nobody really knows
Hit the bottle and she's gonna to follow
I fall asleep there ain't no tomorrow
Gone too far, no one can save me
Who needs you when I've got my baby
My baby is beautiful she loves me true
But if she dies I hope I die too!

[Danny:]
You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me...
You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...
You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate...
I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! (you know...)

[Charlie Scene:]
I put down another sack of them
Then it's straight back to the flask again
I can't help stop what's happening
On the wrong track, yeah, I'm back again
Up shit creek and I'm paddling
Blacked out room and I'm travelin'
Good ideas I'm lacking them
I'm too fucked up now I'm babbling
Wondering how to fix these damages
All these goddamn damages
Cover myself with bandages
From all these goddamn damages
Wondering how to fix all of these damages
All these goddamn damages
Cover myself with bandages
From all these goddamn damages

[Danny:]
You know, I can take you straight to heaven if you let me...
You know I, I can make your body levitate if you let me...
You know that I can make your body levitate... le-levitate...
I can make your body levitate... le-levitate! (you know...)

This Past Weekend

i did it again...i thought that with time i wouldnt have to or feel the need to do it. but i did... im feeling incredibly useless and powerless now...and you know whats the worst part? i liked it...i missed it... i wanted it more than anything. i mean..i tried so hard to avoid it... tried to distract my mind, tried focusing on others, i ran out of the house a couple times, i even took late night showers and baths and yet theres no way i can escape its calling...

it feels so good.. seeing it touch my skin...it smells amazing... its intoxicating... almost as intoxicating as my ex... heh.. its funny...he was my drug...i wanted him all the time... even when i hated some of the stuff he did or got upset with him or by him...i still wanted him...more than anything... now its lke this cold slim nd sharp thing has taken his place...in some twisted way...im happy it is. ive wanted to let him go for the longest time... and even though i still love him and crave him every second of the day...for the moment that my skin splits its like i dont feel that need...that want...that love.

ive experimented too.. no not drugs haha. but ive tried different parts of my body... its almost as delicious as my forearms but its like it brings more ecstacy to the moment. my sides are a bit scratched up....not as bad as my forearms but the second i felt it...the way it slid about my waistline...the icy shiver it brought to my chest....to be honest.. i moaned a little..

as i heard the echo of my moan...my memories started to flow back.. the happier ones to be exact... i was lying on my back... the love of my life was resting beside me and it was the middle of winter.. we had just finished playing and i was looking up at the stars; thanking each one for allowing me to feel that way.

just as quickly as that memory came it left... after a couple seconds i realized my tears were soaking my cheeks.. could i really be crying at a moment like this? have i gone insane? i just cut myself! i just pressed a knife into my skin! and im crying because i miss the one boy that made my world worth while? really?!

i sliced my skin in a couple more times, each time let my tears slow and brought me back to the present. my anger simmered down and i realized the water was mixed with a soft red. i stared at it for a bit... my mothers face appeared in front of me and i quickly held my nose and push my head back into the water. i stayed under for what seemed forever.

i felt calm... my hair felt soft against my cheeks and whiped around as i continuously pressed my head furthur and furthur into the bottom of the tub. i didnt want to breathe...i didnt want to take on the world... i liked being by myself...feeling like no one could touch me... like the water was infinite.. like the elements were watching over me... after awhile i needed oxygen... as annoying as it was i let my body rise up along with my head and it was over... it was all over for those few moments and i felt good...i felt like i could sleep again...i could finally sleep without the thought of him.

Mumford and Sons

When I first heard this song I didn't want to listen. I'm not really a country type listener and I honestly thought it was about some hill billy shit I would honestly ignore. But if you listen to the lyrics and give it a shot, I garantee you would like them and want to listen to more :)

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

True Happiness: Does it even exist?

I happen to find that happiness is an illusion created by society to define right and wrong. We call our proud or successful moments happiness to define how positive it is so that its opposite can be determined as wrong or destructive.  I think that there are many misconceptions as to what true happiness is. Whether it is having control over your life or whether it’s having the latest stuff or having nothing at all but love and affection, as human beings we haven’t put a true definition to it. Why does everyone obsess over something they don’t truly know or can’t achieve? I’m sure there are different levels of happiness for every individual but what is the ultimate happiness? Does that happiness even exist? Do we need more of what we already have or what others have to be truly happy? I, honestly, don’t believe in happiness and no I’m not a pessimist. I just believe in satisfaction to the eye and satisfaction to our human nature of current or future moments, perhaps even past moments. If we did not have pain or suffering we would not have created this illusion of happiness. It is almost a cycle if you think about it. We are happy or satisfied one moment and the next we are crying and upset because something went wrong. When the moment passes where we are upset into something more positive, then we become happy until the next time of deception.

I say that happiness is an illusion created by our society because in a different world happiness could be the source of let’s say evil and what is pain in our world could be the actual happiness in said other world. I think society itself is trying to make sense of the word It created. We use religion or superstition and even economical charts to try to express what happiness could be and as a society we have created a common denominator: Happiness is when we are at our prime. Happiness is when we are at our most calm and collected nature and have a smile on our face that proves we have everything we could ever need or want. Only then are we truly happy. But when are we at our prime? When are we truly calm and satisfied? And if we have everything we want or need, what happens when it is taken away or gone? Would we ever be happy again?  

Perhaps or perhaps not but what does it matter? Happiness is an illusion and if it is a thought that was planted into our head then could it be that it simply is that? A thought injected like a virus. One that we are commonly attracted to but are unsure how to cure. So we live to find our fix of happiness. We fight to find what doesn’t exist because we are told it is the best because we are told it is what we need to achieve in this life.